7 More Days of Stoic Parenting Practice
Two weeks into daily stoic practice and something shifted this week.
Week 1 was about foundations – patience, wisdom, interconnectedness, choosing words carefully. Building the framework for how I want to show up in the world.
Week 2 was titled “Practice Love” in the Daily Stoic journal. And honestly? At first I thought, “Great, a soft week after the harder lessons.” I was wrong. This might have been the most challenging week yet.
Because practicing love – real, unconditional, consistent love – is harder than any workout I’m doing for 75 Hard Phase 1. Stoic parenting practice isn’t theory. It’s showing up every single day, choosing love over ego, compassion over anger.
Here’s what I learned.
Day 8: Love Is the Higher Pleasure
The Lesson: Marcus Aurelius asks us to consider what’s more pleasing than wisdom itself. Momentary pleasures fade quickly, but wisdom, good character, and love – these create lasting satisfaction.
What Hit Me: I wrote that “love lasts and it’s the form of pleasure I should be seeking. Show patience to my son.”
This reframed everything about my stoic parenting practice. Patience with my 5-year-old isn’t a sacrifice I’m making. It’s not me grinding through something unpleasant for his benefit. It’s me choosing the pleasure that actually lasts.
The fleeting pleasure of venting my frustration when he’s acting up? Gone in seconds, replaced by guilt. The lasting pleasure of responding with patience and love? That stays with me. It builds the dad I want to be.
My son won’t remember the toys nearly as much as he’ll remember how I made him feel – whether he felt loved, seen, valued, even when he was being difficult.
Day 9: Set Standards and Use Them
The Lesson: Epictetus says the work of philosophy is to set standards, and the work of a good person is using those standards when they know them. Not “I want to do good” but “I will do good in this particular instance, right now.”
What Hit Me: I’m actually using my standards now in my daily stoic parenting practice. I catch myself saying “pause” out loud while driving instead of getting worked up. I see someone’s success on social media and stop the “but” from creeping into my thoughts.
I’m not perfect. But I’m using my standards more and more. And that’s what matters – not perfection, but progress. Each time I catch myself and choose differently, I’m strengthening that muscle.
This connects to what I learned about building mental toughness – it’s not about never struggling. It’s about having frameworks in place for when you do.
Day 10: Persist and Resist
The Lesson: If you take two words to heart – persist and resist – you’ll live well. But what do you persist in? What do you resist? Marcus Aurelius says: reverence and justice. In other words, virtue.
What Hit Me: I’m persisting in the Stoic ways and being better. I’m resisting temptations and going back to the “old” me.
And the temptations are real in daily stoic parenting practice. When my son’s not listening, it’s easier to just lose my temper. When someone cuts me off, it’s easier to curse and stew. Those are the old familiar grooves, the paths of least resistance.
But I’m seeing the choice clearly now. Old patterns pulling one way, my principles pulling another. And more often than not, I’m choosing my principles. That’s the work. It doesn’t get easier in the sense that temptation disappears. You just get better at choosing virtue over convenience.
Day 11: Honesty As Our Default
The Lesson: Marcus Aurelius uses a great analogy – the straightforward and good person should be like a smelly goat. You know when they’re in the room. If you have to announce you’re being honest, does that mean you usually aren’t?
What Hit Me: I realized I’m not always honest with myself about my capacity. I have this mindset of thinking I can do more than I really can. I tell myself I’ll do something, then push it back until it doesn’t happen. That’s me breaking promises to myself.
The shift: being strategic with my allotted time and energy. Looking at actual pockets of time when I can do things and committing to them, versus being general. “I’ll do it Tuesday at 2pm” is honest. “I’ll do it this week” is vague and easy to push.
I’m good with what I tell my son I’ll do. Now I need to extend that same integrity to myself. Being honest about capacity isn’t lowering standards – it’s being realistic so I can actually deliver.
Day 12: Give Love First
The Lesson: Seneca’s love potion: “If you would be loved, love.” Barbara Jordan’s 1992 speech: “Love. Love. Love. Love.” Because the love you take is equal to the love you make.
What Hit Me: To get, you must first give – without expecting anything in return. Really expressing gratitude. Give your love, don’t feel hurt when they don’t return it.
This one shifted my entire perspective. I’m not the main character in another person’s story, and that’s perfectly okay. I shouldn’t expect things in return. I have to give love without the possibility of getting it back, and that’s okay.
When you give love conditionally – “I’ll be patient if he behaves,” “I’ll be kind if they’re kind first” – you’re not actually giving love. You’re making deals. And deals always disappoint.
But when you give love first, without strings attached, you’re free. Your son’s behavior doesn’t control your peace. Other people’s responses don’t determine your character.
Day 13: Revenge Never Helps
The Lesson: Marcus Aurelius says the best way to avenge yourself is to not be like that. Seneca adds that revenge wastes time and exposes you to more injuries. If you respond to rudeness with rudeness, you’ve proven they were justified.
What Hit Me: Revenge really doesn’t make anything better. If anything, I carried that negative energy throughout the day. It wasn’t just that interaction – other interactions followed. Even retelling the story to others gets you worked up again. Each time you retell it, you give it more energy.
You stoop down to their level and no one wins.
This was a hard lesson because I had a moment this week where the old me came back. My son angered me in the car and I snapped. I reflected on it later. I know I have to be better in the future.
But that’s the practice, right? Not perfection, but awareness. The old me wouldn’t have even noticed. Now I see it clearly, reflect on it, and commit to choosing differently next time.
Day 14: Don’t Get Mad, Help (or At Least Choose Compassion)
The Lesson: Marcus Aurelius asks about someone being rude or annoying – what’s the point in getting angry? Use your reason to help them if appropriate. But the passage notes something funny: we’d rather be pissed off, bitter, raging inside than risk the awkward conversation that might actually help.
What Hit Me: My initial thought was that offering help can backfire – we live in a time when people are in their own bubbles and don’t want help from strangers. But the real lesson is about the internal shift from anger to compassion.
Sometimes “help” is external – guiding my son, having a conversation. But often, especially with strangers, the help is internal – choosing compassion over rage. Reframing “this person is a selfish asshole” to “this person doesn’t realize they’re being disruptive” or “they might be going through something.”
That shift changes everything, even if I never say a word to them.
What Changed This Week
The moment I’m not proud of: My son angered me in the car. I snapped at him. The old me showed up. I’ve been doing so well with the pause, with removing myself from heated situations. But this time I failed.
Later that night, I reflected on it. I know I need to be better. He’s 5 years old – of course he’s going to push boundaries and test my patience. That’s his job. My job is to respond with love, not react with anger. Just acknowledge it, learn from it, and choose better next time.
This is what stoic parenting practice actually looks like – not perfection, but awareness and commitment to keep trying.
The insight that freed me: I’m not the main character in other people’s stories. This realization lifted so much weight. I don’t need to be. I don’t need people to return my love or validate my efforts. I can give without keeping score, love without needing it back.
That’s not weakness. That’s freedom.
The practice that’s sticking: Every time I want to retell a story about someone who wronged me, I catch myself. Each retelling gives it energy. Instead, I’m learning to process it internally and let it go. The anger fades faster now.
Week 1 vs Week 2: The Evolution
Week 1 taught me the what – patience, wisdom, standards, choosing words carefully.
Week 2 taught me the why – because love is the higher pleasure. Because giving love first frees you. Because internal compassion beats external revenge every single time.
Week 1 was intellectual. I understood the concepts.
Week 2 was emotional. I felt the resistance, the pull of old patterns, and the profound relief when I chose love anyway.
The Practice Continues
Here’s what I’m carrying forward from Week 2 of my stoic parenting practice:
Stop retelling stories that give energy to anger. When someone wrongs me, I can process it without replaying it to everyone I know. Each retelling reinforces the anger. Let it go instead.
Give love without scorekeeping. My son, my partner, strangers – I can choose to show up with love and patience regardless of what I get back. That’s not naive. That’s strength.
The pause is working. Saying it out loud while driving, catching myself before reacting – this simple practice is changing my default responses.
Be honest about capacity. Stop overcommitting to myself. Get specific about time and energy windows. Build trust with myself by only committing to what I can actually deliver.
Internal compassion always. I can’t control other people, but I can always choose compassion over judgment in my own mind. That shift alone changes my entire experience.
The Connection to 75 Hard
I started 75 Hard to build physical discipline. Two workouts daily, specific nutrition, a gallon of water, reading. It’s working – I’m building mental toughness through physical challenge.
But this daily stoic parenting practice? It’s teaching me a different kind of toughness. The toughness to choose love when anger is easier. To give without getting. To persist in virtue when old patterns are calling.
As I wrote in Day 2 of my 75 Hard journey, I wanted to break free from mediocrity and build a better version of myself. Week 2 of this stoic parenting practice showed me what that better version actually looks like – not perfect, but consistently choosing love over ego.
The physical and mental practices reinforce each other. When I’m depleted from workouts and life, that’s when my stoic parenting practice matters most. When I’m tempted to skip a workout or cut corners, my stoic standards remind me who I’m becoming.
Both are about doing hard things intentionally. Both are about becoming better through daily practice.
What About You?
If you’re a parent, you know that moment when your kid pushes every button and you feel the old version of yourself trying to take over. The version that snaps, that seeks revenge for perceived slights, that keeps score.
This week of stoic parenting practice taught me I don’t have to be that person anymore. Not because I’m perfect now, but because I have practices, standards, and a commitment to choosing love even when it’s hard.
Especially when it’s hard.
What would change if you approached one difficult relationship this week with the intention to give love first, without expecting anything back?
Try it. See what happens. And maybe, just maybe, you’ll discover what the Stoics knew – that choosing love isn’t soft. It’s the hardest, most rewarding work there is.