In Steve Magness’s “Do Hard Things,” he reveals that our minds aren’t unified command centers – they’re more like a collection of different voices competing for attention. Think of it like the Pixar movie “Inside Out,” where Joy, Sadness, Anger, and Fear all vie for control of the command center.
The key to managing inner dialogue isn’t silencing these voices or forcing positive self-talk. It’s learning which voice to listen to when.
Research shows that when we shift our internal dialogue from “I” to “you” or our own name in self-talk, we create psychological distance from the immediate emotional experience. This simple linguistic change helps us:
- Reduce anxiety and rumination
- Make better decisions under pressure
- Persist longer on difficult tasks
- View challenges more objectively
Steven Callahan, who survived 76 days adrift in a life raft, instinctively used this technique. He divide# Managing Inner Dialogue: The Self-Distancing Technique That Changes Everything
Mile 22 of my first marathon. The 163 freeway climb in San Diego. My legs were screaming, the heat was brutal, and every step felt like a negotiation between my body and my will.
“You got this,” I muttered under my breath.
But as the hill stretched on, something shifted. The voice in my head became more specific, more direct: “Come on Yves, you’ve got this. Push through.”
I didn’t realize it at the time, but I had stumbled onto one of the most effective techniques for managing inner dialogue during difficult moments. I had switched from first-person self-talk (“I can do this”) to what researchers call “self-distanced dialogue” – talking to myself as if I were coaching someone else.
Today, during my tempo mile repeats in the heat, I caught myself doing it again. Instead of drowning in “I can’t handle this heat,” I focused on my breathing pattern and repeated: “You got this.” The result? Some of my best splits in weeks.
The Science Behind the Shift
In Steve Magness’s “Do Hard Things,” he reveals that our minds aren’t unified command centers – they’re more like a collection of different voices competing for attention. Think of it like the Pixar movie “Inside Out,” where Joy, Sadness, Anger, and Fear all vie for control of the command center.
The key isn’t silencing these voices or forcing positivity. It’s learning which voice to listen to when.
Research shows that when we shift from “I” to “you” or our own name in self-talk, we create psychological distance from the immediate emotional experience. This simple linguistic change helps us:
- Reduce anxiety and rumination
- Make better decisions under pressure
- Persist longer on difficult tasks
- View challenges more objectively
Steven Callahan, who survived 76 days adrift in a life raft, instinctively used this technique. He divided himself into different characters – his rational self, physical self, and emotional self – and had them debate what to do next. This mental separation helped him make the tough decisions that kept him alive.
When Self-Distancing Becomes Natural
I’ve noticed the progression happens naturally during my hardest training blocks and races. It starts with a general “you got this” when things get uncomfortable. But as the difficulty ramps up – when my body is pushing its limits or when the run isn’t going as expected – the voice becomes more personal and specific: “Yves, you’ve got this. Push through.”
It’s as if my mind automatically creates more psychological resources when I need them most. The more personal address forces me to step outside the immediate physical discomfort and view the situation from a coaching perspective.
During that freeway climb, instead of trying to power through, I shifted to run-walk intervals and set mini markers. “Run to that next lamppost, Yves. Now walk to the fire hydrant. You’re making progress.” Each small goal became achievable when filtered through this distanced perspective.
The Dark Side: When the Voice Turns Critical
But here’s what I’ve learned about the flip side. When I’m anxious or when a run isn’t going as planned, that same internal voice can become destructive. Instead of coaching, it starts agreeing with excuses. Instead of “you got this,” it becomes “you’re not ready for this” or “you should have trained harder.”
The difference isn’t the technique – it’s which inner character is doing the talking. Am I channeling my inner coach who believes in working through challenges? Or am I letting my inner critic take control and spiral into negative self-talk?
When it’s the motivating voice, I repeat the mantra several times to reinforce the message. When it turns negative, I’ve learned to recognize it as one voice among many – not the truth, just one perspective that doesn’t serve me in that moment.
Practical Techniques for Managing Inner Dialogue
Start with awareness. Pay attention to your internal dialogue during challenging moments. Are you saying “I can’t handle this” or “You can handle this”? The pronoun makes all the difference when managing inner dialogue effectively.
Use your name. When things get really tough, address yourself by name. “Sarah, you’ve trained for this.” “Mike, one step at a time.” It sounds unusual, but research shows this inner dialogue technique works.
Set micro-goals. When overwhelmed, shift to the distanced perspective and create small, achievable targets. “You just need to make it to the next mile marker. That’s it.”
Practice the coaching voice. What would you tell a friend in your situation? That’s often the exact message you need to hear, but directed at yourself. This is a powerful method for changing internal dialogue patterns.
Track your patterns. I’m starting to journal not just what went well each day, but what didn’t – and specifically what my inner dialogue sounded like during both. You can’t improve patterns you don’t recognize.
The Learning Process
This isn’t about perfection. Some runs will still be mental battles. Some days the negative voice will win. But recognizing these patterns – understanding that you have multiple inner voices and you can choose which one to amplify – changes everything.
The goal isn’t to eliminate the struggle. It’s to have better tools when struggle inevitably shows up.
Next time you face a challenging moment, try stepping outside yourself. Address yourself like you would a friend who’s struggling. You might be surprised how much clearer the path forward becomes when you’re not trapped inside your own immediate emotional experience.
After all, sometimes the best coach you can have is yourself – speaking from a little psychological distance.
What does your inner dialogue sound like during tough moments? Have you noticed the difference between “I” and “you” in your self-talk? I’d love to hear about your experiences with this mental shift in the comments.